March 28th, 2013 - 3:59pm
At work - realizing i hadn’t posted anything in days.
I’ve been working so much this past two weeks that it seems like i’m perpetually tired.
Monday, was mami’s birthday but we just went to work and had a mini - celebratory dinner after work.
Yesterday was a good day, i finally got to see all of my friends (I had missed them so much), especially the group of them that were away for spring break.
Midweek was AMAZING, due to being ripped in half by Paris; followed by tons of laughs and endless hugs.
(Compliments on how well and eloquent my Spanish is made me so happy, apparently i haven’t forgotten it as much as i think.)
And finally getting home at midnight, after dinner with my friend Stephanie (though it felt like it was three am.)
again perpetually tired
i am withering quickly, children.
March 25th, 2013 - 2:58 am
IT’S MAMI’S BIRTHDAY!
But this post is mainly to remind myself that i should not take ten hour naps during the day, cause;
- they will obviously cause me to be awake all night
- in which i make really poor decisions for myself like
- going through most of John Green’s tumblr
- and sob and the amounts of books i have yet to read
- and videos i have yet to watch.
and finally question everything about my existence (this latter point being what i normally do when i’m awake at this hour)
March 23rd, 2013 - 12:55am
I feel achy in parts that hadn’t ached in a while.
I usually save quotes that i really like on my phone and stumbled upon something my best friend wrote that applies exactly to what i feel.
"It’s the anticipation. It’s incomparable. It’s the urgency for it to happen, the counting down minutes and increased communication and untamed smiles. It’s the journey, silent or loud or funny or musical, it’s a sense of unparalleled excitement regardless of the front I’m wearing. It’s the exhale. The ‘we’re here’ moment. The knowledge that for however long i’m in this space all it’s going to feel like love. Even when there’s tension, even when it’s weird, even when it’s unexpected. This space is content, and beyond that it truly needs no more than that. It’s God. It’s Him, patch worked into every person and laugh and sarcastic comment and steadied heartbeat. And you think the feeling is called happy because how else could you be having so much fun.
But happy is simple. This is almost heaven. It’s placing all your favorite pieces of God in one room. It’s never long enough, it’s sporadic, it’s almost unpredictable. So you go the same places with the same people, and different places with the same people and you occasionally combine people from opposite groups looking for a more significant high. Then when you’ve got it, that moment of heaven, when you’re living in it, you’re so sure this is the most fun you’ve ever had, and it’s good and you laugh. But you have to leave it and then there’s a gap, an aching, and you wonder how fun could leave a gap like that. It can’t. That gap is the pressure chamber in your chest telling you this is not heaven anymore, breathing won’t make it any easier, and all of that love was a memory. If you want it again, chase it.
So im steady chasing God because where other people find Him in a book, I mostly find him in people. And i can’t quite get a handle on only feeling him at concerts, and restaurants, and during late nights in NYC.”
Spring and summer can’t come fast enough, so i can have a little bit of this again.